Ray's 2025 Wrapped

I found a lot of things in 2025:

• I found meaning in work.
• I found love again.
• I found good health.
• I found good food spots.
• I found the right boundaries for my relationship with my parents.
• I found my love for listening to music again.
• I found a deeper love for reading.
• I found a passion for writing online via X[dot]com.

But I also lost a lot of things:

• I lost my love for playing guitar.
• I lost my youthful energy.
• I lost my friend groups.
• I lost my love for lifting.
• I lost my love for sports.

Of the things lost, I hope to pick these back up:

• Lifting
• Guitar
• Running

Reflection of deeper things

Friendships

The meaning of friendships changed for me ever since the loss of my core group after the breakup with my ex from college in Oct of 2024. I decided to guard my heart from ever getting as attached as I was to those friends. Today is January 1st, 2026 and my guard is still up, but I have found some new friends as well as revisited some old ones. I'm thankful for everyone currently in my life but never looking for new relationships openly. I hope that I can carry this disciplined mindset of friendship into 2026 as well.

Career

A year ago I was crashing out about my position at Amazon due to my feeling of being stuck in a role that wasn't letting me grow in the ways that I wanted to. Today I'm at an early stage startup with coworkers that I can easily spend 10+ hours with at the office while losing track of the time. Ironically, I feel way more stable at this startup position than I did at my big tech job with Amazon. I think it's because I finally got over the imposter syndrome I had from never being part of a full time gig outside of big tech. I used to have a fear that I would never be able to code anywhere else except in big tech, but now I feel like I could truly bring my talents to any team and just build cool shit, the way that I always wanted my career to look like. I also feel a tremendous amount of lift in my craft of writing high quality traditional software rather than contributing to an unmaintainable codebase as I did in my MLE role prior.

Love

Not only did I get over my breakup last year, I also found love again with my current gf who has shown me that I am capable of loving and being loved, something that I thought I'd never be able to experience again just a year ago. I reflected a lot in 2025 on how I could take the things from my last relationship and become a better version of myself, but I realized during the tail end of the year that it led to a bad habit of self loathing. One thing that I used to regret a lot from my last relationship was how much I hurt my ex by never being in the present moment and always trying to optimize my life in order to level up. My overcorrection of this manifested into constant self evaluation and self loathing. My current gf often has to snap me out of the state that I slip into when I am being far too critical of myself. Unfortunately, the desire to improve myself from my last relationship has bled into a circular mindset of finding flaws in myself in all areas of life, from career to love life, and fixating on them until I correct them, often removing me from the present moment and trapping myself in an echo chamber of negative thoughts. While I do believe that self improvement is a great thing that many people could benefit from, there is clearly a deep end that should not be crossed that I find myself crossing a lot. In 2026 I hope to find peace with who I am and self correct in a more loving way.

Music

I played a lot of guitar from 2021 to 2024, even posting over a hundred TikToks of myself playing. Last year I stopped posting on social media completely and in the last few months of 2025 I even stopped my daily habit of playing everyday. The reason is layered, from feeling like I will never be as good as my heros to feeling like I could spend my time leveling up in areas of life that will lead to financial gains (primarily my software career). In 2026 I plan on playing more guitar at lower stakes, primarily focusing on playing for playing's sake rather than for performance.

Fashion

Another big form of expressing myself has always been fashion. Nothing feels better to me than dressing up in a fire fit and walking through the streets of NYC or on a date with my lovely gf. Having it on makes me feel like I'm wearing my persona, allowing people understand me without really knowing me. That's a really important thing for someone like me that isn't really outspoken. I used to thrift a lot and did not care if I spent a few hundred bucks on my wardrobe every month. In 2026 I want to thrift a lot more again rather than buying expensive pieces (no new chrome hearts pieces in 2026 hopefully).

Conclusion

Life is very turbulent and 2025 has proven to be nothing short of a flight through heavy storms. I am walking out with fresh perspectives, new friends, and new beginnings.